The First Shed: Finding the Beauty in Non-Linear Healing

​Note: This is Part 1 of The Metamorphosis Series—a four-part exploration of the "ugly work" of healing, dismantling survival-mode, and the radical return to self-love. You are at the beginning of the path.

Read [Part 2] here.

Healing, life, the universe… nothing is linear. It is all a flowing spiral of light that condenses into matter and opens up into an apparent disappearance. Never fully solid nor visible. Constantly changing.

Just like in the “Interstellar” movie, a wormhole can expand you into the depths of the unknown, and a black hole can collapse you back to self. In every moment, there is this push and pull. 

The constant balance between the 2 spirals: the turbulence of “Expansion” and the feeling of the healing landing in “Integration”. 

I'm currently writing this on a plane back to NZ, flying through a most vivid violet haze. This illusion is created by the tinted plane windows, and it can change colours depending on the amount of sun outside. 

It is unexpected and breathtakingly beautiful. 

This serves as a metaphor for healing because it can happen at any time, anywhere. And when you move through the belief or trauma, the relief you feel is beautiful. 

The formula I use to self heal is quite simple. 

Compassion (Acknowledge + Feeling) = Release. 

Acknowledge the sensations in your body, feel the emotion and memory that arises, and wait for the release. All the while holding yourself with compassion. 

And just now, I moved through yet another layer of emotion.

There was a tightness in my chest. Subtle, but undeniable. So I felt into that sensation. What surfaced was the word “attention” and a memory of me as a 6 year old sitting at the dinner table alone. 

Back then, we had a family takeaway business. Yes, I lived the stereotype of a hard-working Chinese immigrant family. Our Chinese Food, Fish and Chips shop called “Flying Horse” was where I spent most of my early years. We would often start dinner early and if we were lucky, finish dinner before rush hour. If we weren't lucky,  mum and dad would work while I sat at the table, eating the now cold dishes while swatting flies.  

It was a memory of circumstance. 

But as a young child, I didn't have the emotional maturity to understand what was going on. After a while, I learnt that I didn't deserve attention. 

This presented in adulthood as shying away from attention… keeping small and quiet to not be noticed and hiding in the background like a game of “Where's Wally?”

I prefer to be away from the limelight. 

I don't share this for sympathy points, but simply a moment of real time healing - how such a small act can create such a big impact. 

This is what self healing looks like. Quiet contemplations in private (or public in my case) and holding yourself with compassion. It's really that simple. 

Everyone can do it.

But if you find yourself stuck in a holding pattern, a healer or facilitator may help you fly through the heavy clouds. A good one will teach you the tools and return sovereignty back to you. Find a guide who you trust; one who can hold space for you as you navigate the wormholes and blackholes. 

Healing can be ugly work… and it's important that your body, mind and soul feels safe and nurtured.

It's easier said than done, but get that right and you're journeying towards your fullest potential.